There is no bad marriage. There is no bad person. We just have immature people. Maturity is the key to successful relationships. Whether it is with the opposite sex or same sex, in our business relationships or just simple friendship.
Maturity is what we should all aspire to achieve in our lives. We should be able to apply it in all areas of our lives. If you can apply its wisdom in all your relationships you will have peace.
“Ageing is growing old but maturity is growing up“. It is not a function of age, it is a function of wisdom, exposure and responsibility. There must be conscious effort to move from immaturity to maturity. It is a personal responsibility. Nothing changes until you change it.
A perfect marriage is between two mature people and not two perfect people. You can have a perfect marriage and relationship. You and your partner will have misunderstandings or arguments but it takes two people to fight. Maturity must be both ways not just one sided.
“You, therefore, must be perfect [growing into complete maturity of godliness in mind and character, having reached the proper height of virtue and integrity], as your heavenly Father is perfect. [Lev. 19:2, 18.]” – Matthew 5:48 AMP
It’s not that we are going to be without flaw. Some people have refused to grow. The responsibility to get mature is with you.
Signs of maturity
1. Control. Matthew 5:21-23;27. You must be able to control yourself in situations. Control your feelings, emotions and your reaction at the time. You should not just greet people that are greeting you. It is not everything you feel like saying that you have to say.
“For we all often stumble and fall and offend in many things. And if anyone does not offend in speech [never says the wrong things], he is a fully developed character and a perfect man, able to control his whole body and to curb his entire nature.” – James 3:2 A
Control! There must be control!. If you are a man without control you are like a city broken down and without walls or a gate. Your gate is crucial.
2. Balance. Your ability to balance the situations of your life. When we were young, we were first given tricycles before bicycles. Tricycles helped with balance before we were able to learn to ride bicycles. Many cannot balance between work and play. Yes it is good to work but it is also good to make out time to play. “All work and no play makes jack a dull boy, all play and no work makes jack a poor boy“. And we don’t want either of the two so balance is the key.
3. Your ability to say no. This is usually most difficult for people. Hebrews 11 tell us when Moses became of age (when he came to maturity) he refused to be called the son of pharaoh’s daughter. Say no to the people that are dragging you to sin. The bible tells us to watch the kind of people you follow. There is nothing wrong in saying no. Some people just can’t refuse people.
Areas of maturity
1. Physical maturity. This has to do with age. Before you can enter into a relationship there has to be physical maturity. Relationships are not for boys but for men. Allow yourself to grow. Use your youth to discover yourself and knowing God. At 17 David was still in the bush. This is the time to discover your abilities. Don’t be like those that do not know where they are headed.
2. Mental maturity. This is something you acquire. You set out to engage yourself in mental activities that will develop you mentally. Some people never read anything. You cannot be mentally sound if you do not read. You have to spend time with people that are wiser than you. You must on your own go out to acquire intelligence. Please develop yourself. There is no crime in not knowing. There is in not wanting to know. Go consciously to learn even if you think you know everything. Sometimes you need to be reminded of things you know. Go for information. You don’t want to be responsible for the decisions you make yet you make them. Learn to make decisions. It takes your thoughts, energy, finance and time to succeed in relationships and also in life . If you’re not ready to balance your both then face your career.
3. Financial maturity. If you cannot earn money then you lack the ability to love. Love has responsibility with it. It is not just a feeling. James 2:14-16. Love is action. You must be able to earn a living before you say you want to take care of somebody. Relationships are financially and emotionally demanding. If you don’t have the time to stay with a woman then you are not ready to be married. If you don’t have the time, emotions and money to give then don’t marry. Don’t even start. You will not use feelings to pay school fees or house rent. If you have not braced yourself enough for the demands of marriage, spend that time working. You must be able to make, manage and multiply money. You must always get to the point where you make investments because one day you will get old. You are working to establish yourself and not just to eat. You and your partner must plan where you are going financially. Women should also have financial intelligence. Two should be better than one. If you’re going to get married to someone and then you start going backwards that is rubbish. For love to work there must be some level of comfort. Women should support and contribute. If you’re joining with someone will not move your life forward then don’t join. Remember Adam got a job before he got a wife so go and work.
4. Social maturity. A lot of people don’t have simple social skills. You must know how to talk, greet, be nice, be polite. Use thank you. Use excuse me. Learn how to introduce yourself. That you can’t give a person someone else’s number without having their permission. Don’t infringe into people’s privacy. Learn to be romantic. Learn to say the right words. Learn to change the tone of your voice when you want to say somethings.
5. Spiritual maturity. Marriage is Gods idea so it has a spiritual undertone to it. Grow spiritually. That someone is a prayer warrior doesn’t make him spiritual. It is your christlikeness that determines your spirituality. How Christ like are you ? How transformed are you to the image of God? Not because you can prophesy or you are a worker in your church. It is the character. He Christlikeness. Check the fruits of the spirit. Patience, kindness, the words they are speaking. Some peoples prayer life is out of fear not out of fellowshipping with God. The skilful use of the word of God. You have grown mature in the use of the word of God not just the knowledge. You know the scripture to apply per time.
6. Emotional maturity. Some people are permanently love sick. Some ladies are in love with the idea of being in love. They just want to be in love. They want somebody just to love them. Love the Lord. Start from there. You must be able to manage your emotions. Stop looking for someone to love you. Love yourself first. You must be able to live your life successfully even if there is no man or woman In your life. If you cannot love yourself then you lack the ability to love somebody else. A lot of people’s desire to enter relationships is based on selfishness not love. You must be satisfied in yourself and in God. Some people just keep people in their life for emotional support, they do not really love the person. This is wrong. Wait. Develop patience. Develop that emotional maturity. Look good for yourself. If you are looking good so someone will compliment you, the day you don’t get any compliments you will be discouraged or depressed. Appreciate yourself or nobody will appreciate you. Be happy to look good. Looking good is good business. Wear designer perfumes for your own good not because you want somebody to compliment you. Buy good things for yourself. When you do all of this someone will want to share your joy with you. Stop having low self esteem. Stop thinking without a man or woman you are nothing.
You are worth more than that. You were hand crafted by God so you are a designer. Feel good about yourself. Don’t fall In love with every man or woman you meet, in the kingdom of God we don’t fall in love, we grow in love. Get to know the person. Control your emotions. “I like you but I don’t know you enough to love you”. Love comes out of trust.
7. Domestic maturity. Learn simple domestic things, learn to cut your nails, to shave, to brush your mouth. Use deodorant. Enhance your appearance. For the men learn how to lay your bed, arrange your clothes, take regular baths, separate your dirty clothes from the clean ones. As a woman carry sweets in your bag. Breathe freshening sweets.
Go for maturity!