For relationships that work it is not about luck. Marriage is a marathon race. You have to be prepared to do it. When everyone around you is thinking like you that can be dangerous. It’s not how many supporters you have that matters, it is the fact in your heart. Supporters don’t make a difference. You will know a failure by his or her goals. You know it is not working but you pretend it is.
Some people use all their strength for courtship and by the time they get married they get tired. There are things that can make relationships work, besides determination and desire you need facts and knowledge too. Love can grow and love can die. There are things that can make love grow or die. There are things that must be there to make a relationship work. Love is not on this list because it is complicated. It is difficult to summarize love into a sentence.
Although the relationship should be built on love. Love is based on facts and functionality. Love is too risky to be blind. Its real and it is workable.
Proverbs 31:30 tells us character is key for a relationship to work. The list below is for both parties so this focuses on both the man and woman.
1. There must be mutual readiness. The both of you must be ready. Are you ready to be accountable and responsible to someone? Are you both ready for marriage? Age doesn’t make you ready for anything. Your educational qualification doesn’t make you ready. There are factors, spiritual and emotional readiness. Marriage should be between two single and emotionally satisfied persons. It is not going to be fun fair. Both of you should be mature. You wear your wedding dress just for that day after that you were work clothes. You work for the rest of your life. So it should be someone you never get tired of serving and blessing.
2. Mutual Companionship. The both of you must be friends. You enjoy talking, spending time together. You should both be open and transparent. Be real, it’s too crucial
3. Mutual Values. Friendship comes in here. You discover the values of the person when you are real friends. Your values must be the same. The things that are important to you are important to your partner. Are you thinking alike?
4. Your vision, interest and purpose in life must be compatible. They don’t necessarily have to be the same but you both must be headed in the same direction. Your coming together must bring strength. Feelings are real but not necessarily right. Samson loved Delilah, his feelings were real but it wasn’t right. It cost him. Once you are desperate you have missed it already. When your feelings are going outside the word of God then it is wrong.
5. Mutual Trust. “They were naked and not ashamed”. Transparency, no secrecy. There needs to be trust. True love grows with time. You can’t love somebody truly in 2 weeks or 2 months. Don’t isolate God. “ a threefold cord is not easily broken”. When there is too much secrecy then there is a problem. You must know the person to be able to trust the person. People that lie for you will also lie to you. If you lie for your spouse today, when you are under pressure tomorrow you will lie to him or her.
6. Mutual Commitment. You both must be loyal and faithful to each other. “The outward man perishes day by day” look for something real to hold onto not just physical attraction or money. Commitment makes a marriage work. The both of you are one. No one should come between whether family or friend. As a husband you should defend your wife.
7. Mutual Contribution. “Two are better than one for there will be a reward for their labor”. You both must add something to the relationship. Both of you must benefit.
8. Mutual care and concern. There must be care and concern.
9. There must be respect. You must regard the other person. Respect their space, their opinion, their person. There must be control, courtesy.