Ladies, these questions are to let you know when you’re not doing things the right way. To help you make sure you’re on the right track. Guys, you can learn something from this post aswell.
Few Mistakes Ladies Make.
1. You begin to build your life around this person even though he hasn’t fully committed. Until you are married you are not married. Know your purpose for life, be your individual self. Don’t start mega adjustments until you are married.
2. You link sex and love. Women think of long term commitments when sex is on board. Men do not. For a man there’s no link between sex and love. A man’s sexual appetite is not linked to his affections. You love the person doesn’t mean you should allow sex.
3. You isolate yourself from your friends and family. Your family loves you because your are blood. They love you genuinely. Your friends have always been there. These are the people that can give you counsel. The person that loves you romantically has not proved he really loves you. If anything happens he can jump ship.
4. Don’t try to get pregnant to trap a man. If he’s not ready to commit to you a child will not make him commit.
5. Don’t enter a relationship with the mind that you can change the person. If you don’t like him now, leave him.
6. You do have a choice. You don’t have to settle for less. If what you have in your life now is not what you want then leave him. The average woman thinks she doesn’t have a choice. You will find someone else. You can love again
7 Questions Wise Women Ask.
These are questions you need to ask yourself and observe as time goes on in your relationship.
1. Do I know him well enough? Not long enough. Well and Long are two different things. Sometimes when people hang out together they don’t ask the right questions. Do not feel pressured or desperate. Try to cultivate genuine friendship because after the wedding, children, menopause what will be left is your friendship. Don’t speed up the friendship to the romance. Friendship is when you can know the person. When there is true friendship, nobody is pretending. True love grows out of genuine friendship. When there’s tension, the guard is up. Be yourself; don’t try to be someone else to please your partner. Don’t pretend to make it to the altar because you cannot pretend to make it in marriage. Don’t try to fake it because you might miss the person who would love you for you. Don’t allow the rush to marry cover who you are, let friendship grow.
2. Are we compatible? Amos 3:3. Division means when two people are going in 2 different directions. Be sure the both of you are not going in different directions. It is crucial to be compatible. If you don’t want to be a housewife don’t marry somebody that wants a house wife. It might look small but check to see if you’re thinking alike. Even spiritually, your purpose in life, vision. Are we thinking alike? do we have the same family values? Helpmeet means Suitable and Adaptable.
3. Is he responsible? Three words that define responsibility in marriage. Preside. Provide. Protects.
Can he preside? Can he make sound decisions; can he give direction to the family? You have to outgrow your expenses. Let your income, outweigh your expenses.
Can he provide? Don’t marry a man that doesn’t have a job. Even for a man that is working life isn’t easy. As he tackles one issues and other arises talk less of one who doesn’t have a job. Check to see if he’s lazy, if he makes excuses. The bible says “He that does not work should not eat”. Should this person now get married? God gave Adam a job first before he gave him a wife. Because man had a job, God gave him a help meet.
Can he protect? Can he protect his wife from in-laws, from anyone who might endanger her? If a man is beating you now in courtship, do you think he will protect you in marriage?
4. When? If a man is asking to marry you, you should ask when. There needs to be a vision. Do not enter an indefinite relationship. You need to know when to see if the timing works. “Without vision the people perish”.
5. Why me? If a man is asking to marry you, you should ask “why me”. It will amaze you the things he will say. The answer is what keeps the marriage. The why is what will be in the marriage till the end. If you don’t know why he is marrying you then you will not know the things to improve on or the things to make sure are always there. If the reasons are not tangible as an individual then you are already setting yourself up for failure. Real qualities.
6. Who are his influences? People he relates with, who he talks to. His role models, mentors. The people he listens to. He must have somebody that advices him. This person is who you can talk to when he is misbehaving. Someone you can call. Don’t marry a man that is not accountable. Mentors are there to preserve us from tormentors. Know who he is patterning his life after. Who can talk to him. Don’t marry a freelance Christian. He must have a church where they know him.
7. Is he born again? Has he let Christ come into him and change his life? He’s no more being ruled by the flesh and natural tendencies but the spirit of God. “do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers”. Ephesians 2:1 describes a person who is saved. Don’t marry an unbeliever. Not just that he goes to church. Everyone is influenced by spirits it is either positive or negative. God changed our nature. It is no more natural to steal or kill and do other natural things.